When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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