So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
