Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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