and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
