my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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