Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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