Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
