I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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