it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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