He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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