When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Walk of Shame today included voting.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
