Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
