so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
