Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
