I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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