So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
