I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
