I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
