You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
