"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
