Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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