There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
