I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
