well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
