OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
