do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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