everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize