Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
