I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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