Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize