he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
