Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
