Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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