I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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