Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
