No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
