That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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