i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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