He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
