I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
