I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
