I seem to have left my pride at pride
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
