chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
