It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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