Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
