How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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