Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have post one night stand depression
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
