Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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