We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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