Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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