Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
