nut hugger
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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