After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
