My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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