Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
