sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
