I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
