Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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