Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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