she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
