I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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