Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drunk is not a location!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
