u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
