We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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