google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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