after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
