I heard we made out
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
